I shall start this journal off in a very depressing way. My cousins dog Dipsy died on August 28th. She was found dead on the ground in the kitchen. She was pretty much my dog, and I'll always love and miss her. But another huge part of my life died just on Saturday. My Aunt Sandra Ryans died. She helped raise me since I was born pretty much. Since as far back as I can remember she has been there helping me to become a better person. It was once high school started that we started to lose contact and things started to fall apart. She first was diagnosed with pneumonia, then they found out it was cancer. I spent a night at her place, I used to spend almost every Saturday there, and she wasn't herself. I knew it was close to her time. She was sent back to the hospital a mere week after I watched her, and I was planning on going to see her today. And I did, but in a different light, I went to go see her closed casket. I spent a good almost 4 hours there with people who remember me growing up as "her granddaughter" and I was always there. Everyone remembered me, and I remembered almost none of them. They all have made what I assume are empty promises that they will spend time with me. The only two that I found sincere was from her son Randy and an elderly couple who I remember being a large part of my life. I can't remember their names, but I believe the woman’s name was Hazel. They are a very nice Irish/Scottish couple who both hugged me. I broke down 3 times and pretty much died at around 830 when I finally left. The Funeral is tomorrow at 1pm. So I'm probably going to drag Meagan or someone along with me. I dunno. I really don’t.


The other day I was having a bath to try and calm down and relax. A lot has happened in the past little bit and that was the only time I had to kind of absorb it all. So as I go the bubbles in the tub and added two bath beads I realised how pointless my life had become. I sat there in the warm water for like 2 hours just comparing my life to random-ness. I realised I was like the blue dolphin bath bead I had thrown into the water, I was so delicate and easy to destroy, but as long as no one tried to hurt me in front of anyone else, I was fine. Then the dolphin broke when it was thrown around in a jet (my bath has a Jacuzzi setting, it’s amazing) and then I realised that maybe everyone could see how fragile I was all along and just left me there to break apart slowly. It was at that point that I picked up the other bath bead, The blue shiny star, and I realised it was not only still hard, but had already lost all of its oil and was just this solid thing floating in the water. That’s when I really began to think. Maybe I’m just like the Star at the same time, maybe I’m not as venerable on the outside as I seem, and I just lose it on the inside and have to wait for a while before people realise that I’m completely broken on the inside. That there is nothing left to hate, love or enjoy at all. Needless to say I have kept the star as a reminder about how fragile I truly am. And this thing is hard as a rock, it’s amazing, but it’s so empty. This also makes me think about certain people in my life, the ones that don’t think they belong anywhere and have nothing to live for. Like those people who are heartless, the ones who no matter what think they are better then everyone, yet will do nothing but complain that their lives suck. Those people are stars as well. They have nothing left on the inside, but they remember it all. Every detail of what life once was like. I’m just still picking up the pieces of the broken dolphin from the bottom of the tub though; no matter what I do it won’t go away. Maybe it’s just as strong as the star? Who knows?
Well that’s my random rant of the; Month, Week, Day?? I don’t know anymore. I’ll just write when I need to.


On another note the Toronto Craft Convention is coming in October and anyone who is anyone is invited to come with me. I’ll be posting like a million and one notes on here about it. Us “young” crafters get a discount on like everything because most people who go are older and are the teachers. You can learn anything there is to know at this convention as well as make amazing masks (which I’ll be making). The tickets are 4 dollars for anyone “4-17” and I don’t care how old you are if your with me they will think you are 12 xD. So please come with me, I would really love some company for this outing.
As well, HALLOWEEN. I plan on going Trick-or-Treating, unless I get invited to a party, then I might go to the party. But I plan on having a Halloween party at my house on Sunday November the 1st. The day after Halloween I shall be having a costume party in my basement, if I’m still living at home by then that is. Hopefully I will be. So once again your all invited. And if you come to the craft convention with me then we can wear the pretty masks we make that day